I don't like to talk about my flair.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Rock Bottom Brewery, COS - A Tragic Loss

I got this email a few minutes ago from the Rock Bottom Mug Club regarding the local store:
As loyal friends of Rock Bottom we want to share with you the tragic news of the loss of two restaurant teammates. Our Cook and Certified Trainer Brian Neff and our Senior Brewer John Hanley both passed away early this week during separate incidents at their homes.

John and his beers were legendary. Many of you will recall past tapping parties with John perched on the bar cracking jokes and waxing poetic about his beer. Those of you lucky enough to know him or attend his tappings or brewers dinner know first hand his passion for beer and easy-going nature. He was bright eyed and had an unmistakable laugh and smile.

For the past four years, John amazed the entire Rock Bottom family with his award-winning brewing talents and unforgettable sense of humor. John took great pride in his craft and had the ability to make everyone laugh. He had a never-say-no attitude and wanted to share his love of brewing with the entire world. He will be forever missed.

This is a devastating and heartbreaking loss for us and especially for John and Brian's families and friends. We have very few details about their passing and out of respect for the families are choosing not to share them at this time.

Many of you have already reached out to the Rock Bottom family with emails, phone calls and flowers. We cannot thank you enough for your kindness during this difficult time. It helps ease some of the pain we are feeling.

I feel for them so much...about a year and a half ago at L'Idiot, we lost our sous chef in a tragic car accident. It was alcohol-related, and though I miss the heck out of Jimmy, part of me is still angry with him for making a dumb decision.

We were devastated. A restaurant staff becomes a second family...it's a unique profession with unique challenges, and people in the industry form an automatic bond.

I sent an email to the corporate communications manager for Rock Bottom. I don't know if the message will make it to the staff, but I hope my prayers do.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

An Open Letter to My Seat "Buddy" at the Dave Matthews Concert

Hi! Hi. Yes, you're excited to be here, aren't you? Dave Matthews. Love it. They put on an awesome show, don't they?

Aw, look at you, flailing around. Oh, you're dancing, are you? Yeah, the "woooooooo!" probably should've tipped me off. You raise that beer up, girlfriend! Wooo! Yes, I'm sure Dave knows you love him. Holler louder, though...he might not have heard you the first time.

Listen, though...couple things.

1. The reason I'm standing with my arms crossed stiffly is because your St. Vitus-esque "dancing" keeps propelling you into me. Here's my personal space, there's yours. Please stick to your own. If you keep bumping into me, I won't move. Sorry. Yes, turn to your husband and gesture wildly at me, complaining that I keep hitting you. Yeah, no. The apologetic look he shot me over your shoulder tells me you've been unruly in public before.

2. You're, what...40? 45? Possibly younger, but you're tanorexic, so it's hard to tell. Regardless, public drunkeness is unseemly at any age. So, you know, enjoy the show...but I sure as hell hope you & your equally smashed husband are planning on taking the light rail back home, because you? Don't need to be driving.

3. It already smells like bongwater & fratboys in here. Please don't complicate it by re-applying AquaNet. My main joy in the DMB is Boyd Tinsley. Waving your aging coif in time to the voices in your head is impeding my view.

4. Those aren't even your seats...I assume some beer-soaked 20-something passed out in the parking lot and didn't make it into the arena. You ganked them halfway through the set, so don't be upset when you don't get an entire row of seats to yourself in which to shake your saggy ass.


Such Kindness...

...thanks to all who responded to the post about my dad. It's heartbreaking to know there are so many who lost their parents so young.

I don't know. There's no "good" age to lose someone you love. It sucks all around. A kid I work with at L'Idiot ("kid" - he's probably around 21) lost his father to cancer when he was only 4. The CTO at my tech writing job lost his father a few years back, too..and the father was only 54. He was dead 3 weeks after docs found a tumor in his heart.

My friend Zak lost her father after a year and a half with pancreatic cancer. He'd just gone into remission, too (or so they thought) when he went downhill, suddenly and dramatically.

So I know, rationally, that everyone goes through this. Doesn't stop me from feeling like the first person to ever lose a parent.

Stupid emotions. This is why I thought Spock was so damn cool.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Theological Engineering Exam

ganked from http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/

5 Questions, 60 Minutes.

You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.

1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?

2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S. a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep was not willing? b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind either?

3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)

4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?

5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything. a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now? b. (10 pts.)Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?

Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Let Evening Come

How do people do it? How do you lose a parent, or any loved one? How do you deal with it, and not let it consume you?

My dad was just diagnosed with lung cancer. It's pretty advanced, and he doesn't want traditional chemo. Surgery and radiation are not options.

This has floored me. I'll admit that I'm unprepared and unwilling to face my parents' mortality.

I think of friends who have lost a parent, and how they handled the situation with grace and strength. I hope I'm able to do that.

The oncologist has not been terribly forthcoming with a prognosis. A year, maybe? Maybe. We'll see how he responds to the treatment plan laid out.

I'm trying to think of all the people who lose loved ones in a heartbeat. With no warning, someone you love is gone. I'm lucky that way. I get a chance to make the most of the time that's left.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Malaprops with Mom, Part 2

This is less a malaprop, and more a mix-up. Still funny, I promise you.

This was years ago, when I was home for the summer from college. My friend R called for me one day when I was out, so she chatted with my mom for a while.

Mom: "Oh, I'm just doing some housework today and watching a movie."
R: "Really, what movie?"
Mom: "The Shining."
R: "You're kidding! That's a scary movie to be watching all alone!"
Mom: "...you think? I don't think it's very scary."
R: "Well, enjoy the movie and ask Ann to call me when she gets home."

R came over to the house the next day, walked by the tv, picked up a video case and collapsed in a gale of giggles.

Mom had been watching "Shine."

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Malaprops with Mom, Part 1

My mom is rather famous for her malapropisms.

My dad recently relayed this gem:

They were watching a movie which featured the phrase "camel toe." Dad had to explain to Mom what that meant.

Several hours later, while preparing to go out to dinner, Mom emerged from the bedroom wearing a new pair of pants and demanding, "Do these give me camel hoof??"

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Kansas Crackpots Lose Control of School Board!

TOPEKA, Kan. - Conservative Republicans who approved classroom standards that called evolution into question lost control of the state Board of Education in Tuesday's primary election.

read the rest of the story

Thank goodness. It's difficult enough explaining to morons that yes, I did indeed have indoor plumbing while growing up in Kansas. It was even more trying to defend the majority of sane educators in Kansas that don't believe evolution is a tool of the devil.

If nothing else, though, this kefuffle at least brought us the Flying Spaghetti Monster.