I don't like to talk about my flair.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

An Open Letter to Table 54

Things over which I have no control:
  • Your bread arriving late. The bussers deliver bread, and I asked for help repeatedly.
  • Your espresso being served in large coffee cups. We don't have any espresso cups. I don't know what happened to them. I'm sorry. Suck it up and drink your espresso out of the biggy cup.
  • Our bananas foster dessert not being the cool, en flambe version that's made tableside. Sorry, they won't let me play with fire. Your rolling your eyes doesn't help, though.
  • One bottle of wine not being enough for 6 people to have full glasses. Sorry you had to drop the $22 on a second bottle.

Things over which I have control:
  • My response to you when you asked me repeatedly if I was, in fact, actually serving you decaf. I should've said something other than "Ma'am, I do this for a living," after your third query. I was weeded, and very stressed. Still, I acknowledge that was uncalled for. Just so you know, though, I have friend with a heart condition who must avoid caffeine. I understand there are medical reasons to do so. I know you want to be sure. But I wouldn't pull a switcheroo on you. I'm very careful with that sort of thing. Be assured I'm not a moron.

Things I wish you would've done:
  • Said something directly to me about any aspect of the meal you were unsatisfied with. I would've tried to fix it. It's what I'm here for.

In closing, bite me.



At 10:27 AM, Anonymous D Bunny said...

Ha! Last week I was giving a TB skin test to an inmate, and the motherfucker had the nerve to ask me if I was using a CLEAN NEEDLE!

I looked at him with an exaggerated sneer that said "you are the biggest fuckwit on the planet and I will not be condescended to by YOU" and said:

"Of course I am. I don't pay for these myself, so I don't care how many I use. Besides, I think you're confusing me with your heroin addict friends."

Shut him up.

At 5:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

6 people and they only wanted ONE bottle...that right there says they are not cool people.


At 3:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, not to be overly picky or be an asshole, but espresso needs to be served in 3oz or smaller glasses - otherwise it cools down too much and becomes as appealing as piss.

At 5:41 PM, Blogger ann surely said...

Oh, man, now I feel like an ass. Good to know, though.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Jess said...

Ha ha HA! My mom is one of those annoying people who always ask the server if it is REALLY decaf. I swear! I always want to die when I am eating out with her. I ususally give the waitress a "I'm sorry" smile and make sure I tip well. I wonder if it's a generation thing. My mom is 50, so maybe "back in they day" restruants used to pull a switcharoo or something.


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