WaitressBlog

Rock Bottom Brewery, COS - A Tragic Loss

2006-10-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

I got this email a few minutes ago from the Rock Bottom Mug Club regarding the local store:

As loyal friends of Rock Bottom we want to share with you the tragic news of the loss of two restaurant teammates. Our Cook and Certified Trainer Brian Neff and our Senior Brewer John Hanley both passed away early this week during separate incidents at their homes.

John and his beers were legendary. Many of you will recall past tapping parties with John perched on the bar cracking jokes and waxing poetic about his beer. Those of you lucky enough to know him or attend his tappings or brewers dinner know first hand his passion for beer and easy-going nature. He was bright eyed and had an unmistakable laugh and smile.

For the past four years, John amazed the entire Rock Bottom family with his award-winning brewing talents and unforgettable sense of humor. John took great pride in his craft and had the ability to make everyone laugh. He had a never-say-no attitude and wanted to share his love of brewing with the entire world. He will be forever missed.

This is a devastating and heartbreaking loss for us and especially for John and Brian's families and friends. We have very few details about their passing and out of respect for the families are choosing not to share them at this time.

Many of you have already reached out to the Rock Bottom family with emails, phone calls and flowers. We cannot thank you enough for your kindness during this difficult time. It helps ease some of the pain we are feeling.

I feel for them so much...about a year and a half ago at L'Idiot, we lost our sous chef in a tragic car accident. It was alcohol-related, and though I miss the heck out of Jimmy, part of me is still angry with him for making a dumb decision.

We were devastated. A restaurant staff becomes a second family...it's a unique profession with unique challenges, and people in the industry form an automatic bond.

I sent an email to the corporate communications manager for Rock Bottom. I don't know if the message will make it to the staff, but I hope my prayers do.

An Open Letter to My Seat "Buddy" at the Dave Matthews Concert

2006-09-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Hi! Hi. Yes, you're excited to be here, aren't you? Dave Matthews. Love it. They put on an awesome show, don't they?

Aw, look at you, flailing around. Oh, you're dancing, are you? Yeah, the "woooooooo!" probably should've tipped me off. You raise that beer up, girlfriend! Wooo! Yes, I'm sure Dave knows you love him. Holler louder, though...he might not have heard you the first time.

Listen, though...couple things.

1. The reason I'm standing with my arms crossed stiffly is because your St. Vitus-esque "dancing" keeps propelling you into me. Here's my personal space, there's yours. Please stick to your own. If you keep bumping into me, I won't move. Sorry. Yes, turn to your husband and gesture wildly at me, complaining that I keep hitting you. Yeah, no. The apologetic look he shot me over your shoulder tells me you've been unruly in public before.

2. You're, what...40? 45? Possibly younger, but you're tanorexic, so it's hard to tell. Regardless, public drunkeness is unseemly at any age. So, you know, enjoy the show...but I sure as hell hope you & your equally smashed husband are planning on taking the light rail back home, because you? Don't need to be driving.

3. It already smells like bongwater & fratboys in here. Please don't complicate it by re-applying AquaNet. My main joy in the DMB is Boyd Tinsley. Waving your aging coif in time to the voices in your head is impeding my view.

4. Those aren't even your seats...I assume some beer-soaked 20-something passed out in the parking lot and didn't make it into the arena. You ganked them halfway through the set, so don't be upset when you don't get an entire row of seats to yourself in which to shake your saggy ass.

Love,
Ann

Such Kindness...

2006-09-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

...thanks to all who responded to the post about my dad. It's heartbreaking to know there are so many who lost their parents so young.

I don't know. There's no "good" age to lose someone you love. It sucks all around. A kid I work with at L'Idiot ("kid" - he's probably around 21) lost his father to cancer when he was only 4. The CTO at my tech writing job lost his father a few years back, too..and the father was only 54. He was dead 3 weeks after docs found a tumor in his heart.

My friend Zak lost her father after a year and a half with pancreatic cancer. He'd just gone into remission, too (or so they thought) when he went downhill, suddenly and dramatically.

So I know, rationally, that everyone goes through this. Doesn't stop me from feeling like the first person to ever lose a parent.

Stupid emotions. This is why I thought Spock was so damn cool.

Theological Engineering Exam

2006-08-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

ganked from http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/

5 Questions, 60 Minutes.

You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.

1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?

2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S. a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep was not willing? b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind either?

3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)

4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?

5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything. a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now? b. (10 pts.)Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?

Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.

Let Evening Come

2006-08-15T11:15:00.000-07:00

How do people do it? How do you lose a parent, or any loved one? How do you deal with it, and not let it consume you?

My dad was just diagnosed with lung cancer. It's pretty advanced, and he doesn't want traditional chemo. Surgery and radiation are not options.

This has floored me. I'll admit that I'm unprepared and unwilling to face my parents' mortality.

I think of friends who have lost a parent, and how they handled the situation with grace and strength. I hope I'm able to do that.

The oncologist has not been terribly forthcoming with a prognosis. A year, maybe? Maybe. We'll see how he responds to the treatment plan laid out.

I'm trying to think of all the people who lose loved ones in a heartbeat. With no warning, someone you love is gone. I'm lucky that way. I get a chance to make the most of the time that's left.

Malaprops with Mom, Part 2

2006-08-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

This is less a malaprop, and more a mix-up. Still funny, I promise you.

This was years ago, when I was home for the summer from college. My friend R called for me one day when I was out, so she chatted with my mom for a while.

Mom: "Oh, I'm just doing some housework today and watching a movie."
R: "Really, what movie?"
Mom: "The Shining."
R: "You're kidding! That's a scary movie to be watching all alone!"
Mom: "...you think? I don't think it's very scary."
R: "Well, enjoy the movie and ask Ann to call me when she gets home."

R came over to the house the next day, walked by the tv, picked up a video case and collapsed in a gale of giggles.

Mom had been watching "Shine."

Malaprops with Mom, Part 1

2006-08-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

My mom is rather famous for her malapropisms.

My dad recently relayed this gem:

They were watching a movie which featured the phrase "camel toe." Dad had to explain to Mom what that meant.

Several hours later, while preparing to go out to dinner, Mom emerged from the bedroom wearing a new pair of pants and demanding, "Do these give me camel hoof??"

Kansas Crackpots Lose Control of School Board!

2006-08-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

TOPEKA, Kan. - Conservative Republicans who approved classroom standards that called evolution into question lost control of the state Board of Education in Tuesday's primary election.

read the rest of the story

Thank goodness. It's difficult enough explaining to morons that yes, I did indeed have indoor plumbing while growing up in Kansas. It was even more trying to defend the majority of sane educators in Kansas that don't believe evolution is a tool of the devil.

If nothing else, though, this kefuffle at least brought us the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The Magic of Chuck Norris

2006-08-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris can win a game of monopoly without owning a single property.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Superman wears chuck norris pajamas

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris dosn't have a chin. Behind his beard is another fist.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.

Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

2006-07-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

Attn: Entrepeneurs Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
HYPERLINK www.whorepresents.com www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
HYPERLINK www.expertsexchange.com www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
HYPERLINK www.penisland.net www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
HYPERLINK www.therapistfinder.com www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
HYPERLINK www.powergenitalia.com www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
HYPERLINK www.molestationnursery.com www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
HYPERLINK www.ipanywhere.com www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
HYPERLINK www.cummingfirst.com www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
HYPERLINK www.speedofart.com www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
HYPERLINK www.gotahoe.com www.gotahoe.com

On Being Poor

2006-07-21T08:09:00.000-07:00

My family wasn't poor...not like this. LMC for a while, sure. No one starved, though.

This post is sobering. Be sure to read the comments for more.

Watch it

2006-07-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

2006-06-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

Kitty Specials for Tonight...

Mmmm, Dungeness crab for the kitty...psych! Yeah, he sulked for most of the night.

2006-06-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

Oh Sweet Diet Pepsi, How I Sing Praises of Thee

From American Heritage Magazine, a fascinating article on the Origins of Diet Pop.

2006-06-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

The Atkins-Compliant 7-Year-Old

I've seen this twice in the past week now...while asking a kid what she'd like to drink, the parent prompts, "Sprite? Pepsi? Lemonade?" Both little girls, no more than 7, said, "Nah...I've had a lot of sugar today. I think I'll just stick with water."

Wow. I was the type of kid who ate sugar cubes.

2006-06-21T10:11:00.000-07:00

The Dreaded "Verbal Tip"

If you've waitied tables before, you know what it is. You delivered excellent service, and the table waxes poetic about your fabulousness. Surely this means a meaty tip, yes? Probably, but...

Last night was an excellent example. A young couple, probably no more than 22. They were very sweet and chatty. They were in late, after we'd already gone to closers, so they were my last table of the night. The woman intercepted me at a bus station, saying it was her boyfriend's birthday, and did we do anything special for birthdays (We don't, but that's a whole other post.) I told her I'd put a candle in the dessert of her choosing. I brought the chocolate torte, two forks, and left them alone to talk. I discreetly dropped the check (under $28 - they'd shared an app and pasta for dinner), then ran the woman's credit card. They were all smiles as they left.

When I picked up the signed credit slip, it said "Thank you so much!" with a little smiley face below the woman's signiture. No tip, though. Argh.

Not enough to ruin my night, certainly. Just amusing. The manager on duty suggested I pay my next utility bill that way...no check, just a smiley face and "You guys rock! Thanks for the awesome electricity!" scribbled on the bottom.

So, I guess that's the written form of the verbal tip: I don't intend to tip you, but let me just SAY the service was great!

And in this town, I get a lot of religious tracts left behind (as a supplemental tip, I suppose.) Mostly they're from the uber-conservative organizations that litter my fair city, but I've gotten a few Watchtowers. Someday I aspire to get a Chick Tract.

2006-06-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

Specials for Father's Day

Sirloin alla Tomassi
Ten oz. sirloin with shiitake-chianti sauce, diced proscuitto, finished with a touch of cream. Served with roasted asparagus and herb-roasted potatoes.

Marlin Filet
Marlin with a chardonnay-butter sauce, served with sauteed veg and mashed potatoes made with gorgonzola and applewood-smoked bacon.

Porcini Pesto Penne
Penne tossed with scallion cream sauce and pesto made with porcini mushrooms and walnuts. Topped with roasted button mushrooms and sauteed spinach, finished with diced tomato and basil.

2006-06-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

Catholic School Finally Pays Off!

When I get to L'Idiot Tuesday night, I'm told that I'll have a 15-top a little later in the evening, and the host has arranged everything through our event coordinator. Which, weird for a 15-top. Usually the EC arranges larger parties.

When I found out the 15-top was from the Air Force Academy, and it's a recruiting dinner, my heart sinks. Flippin' baby cadets. Just what I need. And since the dinner's on the government's dime, they aren't allowed to tip more than 15%. Joy.

Turns out the table was all priests, with a value-add bishop! It was a recruiting campaign for military chaplains, which surely must be in short supply, if we're hurting so badly for civilian clergy.

Every last one of them was charming. We chatted and laughed, and a nice Italian priest paid me the nicest compliment...said "You tell your husband he's a lucky son-of-a-gun! You are a very nice young lady with a lovely personality." Aw. And they all chipped in and left me a hefty cash tip on top of the gov't 15%.

My closing move was thanking them by adressing them as Fathers & Your Eminence (the honorific for bishops). They all clapped. Heh.

2006-06-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

I'll Never Escape L'Idiot

It's like there's an enormous Eye of Sauron hovering over that restaurant, and I am drawn back.

The impetus for the return was my sudden downsizing from the firm where I had my big-kid job. Seeing as it took me so damn long to get THAT job, I went right to L'Idiot and asked to be put back on the schedule, so I could be sure of paying those pesky bills.

I ended up finding another job fairly quickly, but I'm hanging onto a few shifts a week at L'Idiot.

2006-03-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

Gettin' My God On

I went to Ash Wednesday Mass last night before karate, and got endless rounds of teasing for having the ash on my forehead.

It sort of stings when you sweat it into your eyes.

On the other hand, my kick combos were fantastic.

The power of Christ compells you, bitches!

True Love

2006-02-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

...is expressed by buying your loved one Get Fuzzy t-shirts. Good job, Glowboy!

2006-02-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

New Find

Go check out Waiterrant post haste!

He's a very funny former seminarian-turned-New-York-waiter. Go, go. Read, read.

2006-02-11T18:59:00.000-08:00

Try a Little Tenderness

Glowboy and I went to eat at Rock Bottom Brewery tonight. It was hopping even at 4:30...we waited 35 minutes, and they were on a 1.5 hr wait by the time we were seated. Colorado Springs is slavishly devoted to chain restaurants...when a new one opens, people flock.

As the standard restaurant din swirled around me, I found myself missing waiting tables. Hand therapy is going well, so I'll probably talk to the therapist next week about returning to the restaurant. And I sure could use the extra cash.

The booth next to us, though, reminded me what I dislike about the service industry. Apparently there was some sort of problem with a split check, and an elaborate combination of gift cards and credit cards was being employed to pay the bill. The server either misunderstood the instructions, or just plain messed up. Resolving the bill involved several return visits from the server, and finally the floor manager. The floor manager ended up taking care of a large chunk of the bill.

From the extreme exasperation displayed by the two diners, though, it would appear they were terribly, terribly SO VERY put out. Eye-rolling, loud sighing, and condescension...a veritable trifecta of joy.

Ladies, chill. An early grave awaits you. It's frustrating when things like that happen, but to drive yourself into a frenzy about it...it's just not worth it. And try a little sympathy. The server made a mistake. It happens to us all.

Cartman Kitty!

2006-02-10T11:56:00.000-08:00

"Respect mah authoritah!"

Subculture Adventures

2006-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

Some friends from Wichita were in town last weekend, participating an arm wrestling tournament. Now, don't get snooty about it...I love demolition derbies, too.

So we went to gawk, because hey, great people watching! And, you know, to support them or whatever.

To the left is Jason, pulling hard against some other dude. "Pulling" is the industry term. Learned that this weekend. Check out the special table, though...I had no idea there was special equipment involved.

It was pretty darn interesting. Of the three friends who were there, one got 3rd in Heavyweight Novice, one got 2nd in Middleweight Pro, and one got first in Heavyweight pro. So, yay!

And there was some guy who's apparently the best arm wrestler in the world, and the movie "Over the Top" was based on him. In Colorado Springs, you take whatever celebrity you can get.

Drunken Kitty!

2006-01-29T19:27:00.000-08:00

Bunnies aren't the only ones who can be drunkards! Of course, it appears that Grezky is considerably more low-brow. Mmmm....Natty Ice. Tastes like college.

Look...he even has the forlorn look of a frat boy who's run out of beer...now how will he facilitate relationships with the ladies? Must find kitty Roofies....

2006-01-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

Postcard Livin'

My friend Daniel visited from Kansas a few weeks back, so we went hiking in Garden of the Gods. So beautiful. I don't take advantage of living in such a gorgeous place. I think that's my New Year's resolution...more hiking, more biking, more exploring.

2006-01-27T17:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, A Butter Knife

A longer hiatus than last time, even! Here's the gory story, IF ANYONE CARES:

On Dec. 1, I was grumpily cleaning the kitchen at home. I was in a hurry, possibly because some key reality tv was coming on soon, so I wasn't using common sense.

I was holding a butter knife in my right hand, clenched like a dagger, scraping dried cheese off a sheet pan. It was propped in the sink, with water running over it. The sheet pan slipped, the knife slipped too, and slid across the joint of my little finger. Through an amazing alignment of dumbassitude, the knife cut it just the right place, and JUST deep enough, to sever the tendon that controls the top joint.

Of course, I didn't realize this right away. I'm a clumsy cook, so I forever cut myself, break dishes, and light dishtowels on fire (shut up). I thought it was a garden-variety cut, so I put pressure on it and went downstairs to get Glowboy to help me bandage it.

Glowboy peers at the cut and says, "Uh...can you bend your finger?"

I tried. No dice. I needed a moment to process this, so I passed out. When I came to, GB was packing me up to go to the ER. I hit the bargaining stage at this point.

"We don't HAVE to go. Let's stay on this nice comfy chair. I'll continue my nap, and when I wake up, it will be healed."

Well, damn, apparently it doesn't work that way.

We drive to the ER, which was really pretty painless...both viscerally and time-wise. Three stitches and a hand surgeon referral later, I'm booking a freaking operating room.

Had the surgery at one of those drive-through clinics, and was stuck in a cast for 6 weeks. A CAST. The cast just came off on Monday, and I'm in physical therapy now. Unreal. All this angst for an injury to my little finger.

So, obviously, no waitressing. Sucked to be without that income around Xmas. And even though the cast's off, I'm still grounded from serving (not to mention karate) for 6-8 weeks. It's not so bad in the scheme of things, though.

But Glowboy won't let me use butter knives anymore.

2005-08-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

Hiatus

Took a little over a week off to get settled into my new job. I'm broke, though, waiting for the first paycheck to be deposited, so I picked up a shift last night.

I am undoubtedly a better server when I'm not spending all my time at the resto. It's fun again! People don't piss me off so much!

Except table 11...and their behavior may be my biggest pet peeve regarding guests. They were the sort who regarded my presence as an intrusion. They seemed ticked that I had to actually speak to them to take their order. Oooh, my bad...I'm not psychic today. Asses.

Look, it's only polite to respond when someone asks you a question. Even if that person is just a lowly server. If I ask you how you'd like your steak cooked, don't sigh dramatically and hiss, "Medium!"

I try my best to read tables; if it seems they're there to talk and catch up, I'll do my best to be as unobtrusive as possible. But, damn, there are a few things I have to ask you. I'm required to stop by the table after the food is dropped and ask if everything's okay, and if I can get you anything else. Please do me the courtesy of answering, or at least somehow acknowledging the fact that I'm trying to talk to you. Pointedly ignoring me is crass and rude, and quite frankly you are showing how classless and clueless you are.

Now shut ya trap and eat ya food.

2005-08-17T11:17:00.000-07:00

Specials for August 17-23

Baked Trout with Walnut Crust.
Served with crispy polenta cakes and sauteed seasonal veg.

Fettucini Carbonara.
"Coal Miner's Pasta," in a sauce of egg, cream and parmesan; tossed with peas and applewood smoked bacon.

Blah blah Pizza.
Hand-tossed crust topped with whatever's leftover this week. I don't know; I try not to sell these things. They're cheap. Order the NY Strip. It's much better, I promise.

2005-08-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

An Open Letter to Table 54

Things over which I have no control:

Your bread arriving late. The bussers deliver bread, and I asked for help repeatedly.
Your espresso being served in large coffee cups. We don't have any espresso cups. I don't know what happened to them. I'm sorry. Suck it up and drink your espresso out of the biggy cup.
Our bananas foster dessert not being the cool, en flambe version that's made tableside. Sorry, they won't let me play with fire. Your rolling your eyes doesn't help, though.
One bottle of wine not being enough for 6 people to have full glasses. Sorry you had to drop the $22 on a second bottle.

Things over which I have control:

My response to you when you asked me repeatedly if I was, in fact, actually serving you decaf. I should've said something other than "Ma'am, I do this for a living," after your third query. I was weeded, and very stressed. Still, I acknowledge that was uncalled for. Just so you know, though, I have friend with a heart condition who must avoid caffeine. I understand there are medical reasons to do so. I know you want to be sure. But I wouldn't pull a switcheroo on you. I'm very careful with that sort of thing. Be assured I'm not a moron.

Things I wish you would've done:

Said something directly to me about any aspect of the meal you were unsatisfied with. I would've tried to fix it. It's what I'm here for.

In closing, bite me.

Love,
Ann

2005-08-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

A Minor Antidote for Muzak Blues

I brought Paul Anka's Rock Swings into work today to play during opening duties. It went over quite well.

Best track was either his cover of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or "Eye of the Tiger."

2005-08-10T21:43:00.000-07:00

Specials for August 10-16

Baked Tilapia with Lemon Breadcrumb Crust.
Served with rosemary roasted potatoes and field greens tossed in raspberry vinagrette.

Linguini with Smoked Salmon in Vodka-Spiked Alfredo.
Finished with fresh roma tomatoes, cracked pepper and diced scallions.

Veggie Pizza.
Hand-tossed crust topped with marinary, a four-cheese blend, and asparagus, celery and zucchini.

2005-08-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

The Times They Are A-Changin'

So, I finally got myself a big-kid job. Found out Friday.

I moved to the Springs in November with Glowboy, who was transferred. Friends who had already moved here from Wichita assured me it would be a snap to find a new job. Glowboy and I were both pretty miserable at our jobs in KS, so it seemed like a good move. Glowboy got a transfer within his own company, with the added perk of better pay and less stress. Great! Now I just had to find a job.

So I looked...

...and looked...

...and looked...

...and took a job at L'Idiot to make ends meet while I looked....

...and looked...

...and looked...

...and finally it clicked.

I guess I knew it would pan out in the end, it's just that the end was a lot further off than I had hoped. V. excited about the new gig...it's a great company culture, I'll get to do marketing and design, and help build a department from the ground up.

I think i'll still be working some shifts at L'Idiot, just because it's always good to have a few extra bucks coming in. I don't want the student loan people to come break my kneecaps. Pluswhich, I really have gotten to love lots of the folks I work with. They were my first friends here in the Springs.

Plus, why would I give up smelling like Italian food all the time?

2005-08-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

29 Years Old, And I Still Have Food Issues

Went to Sam's No. 3 with some long-lost friends last night..lovely comfort food and good conversation.

I'm a sucker for breakfast at any time of day, so I had the Hard Hat...eggs, bacon and pancakes. Evidently I tore through my food pretty fast, because it was mostly gone when the waitress came to check on us.

"Boy, you musta been hungry! Your momma woulda been proud."

Um, thanks? I realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of, but, dude, who says that to a grown woman? Too loaded a statement, I think. Daddy always said you never ask if a woman's pregnant unless you can actually see a baby coming out, and you also never comment on someone else's eating habits.

The waitress meant no harm, I know. It was funny. But it threw me for a loop for a minute there, when I started to think maybe I just should've had a nice ladylike salad.

But screw that. Pancakes rock.

2005-08-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

Muzak's Revenge

Like every restaurant, L'Idiot plays music in the dining room. Since we're an Italian joint, mostly we play standards like Dean Martin and Bobby Darin and Frank Sinatra and whatnot. The sort of thing you'd find on the Swingers soundtrack. Which is fine; it's good music. It gets old after a while, though. Anything would.

So in the mornings before we open, we play whatever music we like. Our sound system uses XM, so there are a ton of stations that we never use except in the early morning hours. One of the stations was playing a George Clinton track the other day. I was dancing around, doing my opening sidework, and started pondering: what if you were the one Clinton kid who had no funk? 'Cause those concerts are real family affairs. A big Parliment family reunion every night. You'd watch your P-Funk Allstar family traipse off to concerts, and you'd be stuck at home, 'cause you got no soul. That would be awful. As if the Mothership had landed, and you were drinking a Tab in the next room, watching The McLaughlin Group.

I guess we can't all tear the roof off the sucker.

2005-08-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

Specials for August 3-9

Chef's Selection of Fish with Balsamic-Honey Reduction.
Served with lemon-herb couscous and sauteed seasonal veg.

Penne with Scallion Cream Sauce and Porcini-Walnut Pesto.
Tossed with sauteed garlic spinach and roasted button mushrooms.

Six Cheese Pizza.
Sauceless pizza with herbed garlic oil and mozzerella, asiago, provelone, parmesan, romano and gorgonzola.

2005-07-30T00:08:00.000-07:00

Fun Little Game

I do this every day. Why am I playing a game about it?

2005-07-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

Specials for July 27-August 2

Tilapia with Puttanesca Sauce
served with sauteed seasonal veg and bacon-bleu cheese mashed potatoes

Spaghetti Alla Erbe
Spaghetti in a garlic olive oil sauce with seasoned breadcrumbs and fresh tomato-basil salsa

2005-07-29T23:23:00.000-07:00

A Brief Lesson on Tipping

20% is standard for good service. Deal with it or go to McDonald's.
If you've got a coupon or somehow get a discount, free dessert, whatever...tip on the pre-discounted amount. The server still does the same amount of work, no matter what the final amount you owe is.
Also, please recognize that I'll be a heck of a lot more tolerant of your whiny pickyness if you tip well to make up for the fact that you ordered everything with three sides of ranch and substituted a specially made side and otherwise ran my ass off.
Same goes for people with kids who make an unholy mess. I get to clean up after you. Make me not hate you on sight by tipping well.
My income is often directly proportional to the amount of times I can turn my tables during the night. If you're going to camp out for hours and hours, tip extra. While you sat at your table and discussed quadratic reciprocity for 3 hours, I could've had another 2 turns, gotten each table up to a $50 check average, and made $20 more. You want to camp for the night? Go to Starbuck's.
For God's sake, don't take the signed copy of the credit card slip with you. That means I make no money off that table.
Tipping is based on good service. If I screw something up at your table, I'll do my best to make it right. If you don't feel I've done a good job, of course the tip should reflect that. But understand I can't control how fast your food is made, or if you feel chilly from sitting in a draft, or if you felt you waited too long to get your table. I am but a cog here, folks. Talk to the manager, and he'll probably give you a lovely incentive to come back. That said, you giving me a piddly tip doesn't exact any sort of revenge. You didn't make a point with the person who's responsible for your bad experience. All you did was make my $2.13-an-hour-earning-ass feel resentful.
Dropping big bucks on bottles of wine is not an excuse to stiff the server. See next item:
There's a little thing called "tipping out" that most people don't know about. If I make a $10 tip off a table, I don't keep all of it. Some goes to the bar, some to the busser and some to the food runner. The percentage they get is based on my gross sales, so when a customer stiffs me, I get screwed. If you walk with the signed credit card slip or if you decide not to leave a tip at all, it actually costs me money.
I can tell those people who have served before, or who are otherwise in the know...you pay with a credit card, but leave the tip in cash. This rocks, because I don't have to report that income to the IRS. They take enough money as it is.
To those of you who tip well: please know it's appreciated. A good tip can make my day, and it's certainly going to make me remember you, so that next time you come in, I'll do my damndest to make sure you have a good experience.

2005-07-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

Reason #649 I Don't Like People

We close at 9 pm on Sundays. Guess who got a walk-in 8 top at 8:58? Oh mais oui.

They were fairly pleasant people, though obvoiusly a bit clueless about how jerky it is to walk in at 2 minutes til close. They don't just keep me from getting my closing duties done, they keep the busser, runner, cooks and dishwashers from getting their junk done.

I got a little passive-aggressive with them, I have to admit. "You want a pizza? Well, I *think* the pizza oven is still running...I'll check with my chef. You want a specially made appetizer? Well, seeing that WE'RE ACTUALLY CLOSED, I'll need to check with my chef first."

Feh.

2005-07-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

Doubles Are Killing Me

Double shifts, not double shots. I'm too old for them now.

I spent my time between shifts today gorging myself on Chipotle and Laughing Lab.

And yet tonight's shift still crawled by.

2005-07-21T16:54:00.000-07:00

Today's Pet Peeve

Servers who fib about ingredients/the resto's ability to accomodate diner requests.

I had a lady come in today, asking for chicken marsala, hold the wine. Um...that's not exactly chicken marsala, then, is it? I told her that Marsala wine is what gives the dish its distinctive flavor, and I could have the chef do a mushroom cream sauce, but it would take a bit longer and not be quite the same.

She said, "But last time the server told me I could have it with no wine, and it didn't take any longer!"

I hate to break it to you, lady, but your server just said that to shut you up, and gave you the same damn marsala s/he gives everyone.

I gave her the wine-free sauce, and she was happy.

It pisses me off, though, when people are coy about food preferences and allergies and whatnot. You can not like something, and that's fine. In most cases, any decent restaurant will be able to leave the onions out of a dish, or hold the peas if you'd like. Sometimes it's not possible, of course...in a high-volume kitchen, many sauces are pre-made, pasta casings are pre-stuffed...it has to be that way to get through a shift. Normal people understand this. And most people who come through with legitimate food allergies are very understanding of what we can and can't do.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have celiac sprue, or be allergic to milk. But I had a guest who was allergic to garlic, and apparently thought I had personally planned our menu to piss him off. First of all, asstard, you're at an ITALIAN RESTAURANT. Garlic? Who'da thunk? Secondly, I'm trying to work with you; I pulled our chef off the line, for pity's sake, so he could come talk to you. Brighten the fuck up.

Once we ran a crab canneloni special. Damn, it was good. Anyway, an older woman ordered the chx canneloni off our regualr menu. I rang it in, and it all went downhill from there. The expo called a canneloni, and the cooks made a crab canneloni. The expo pulled the plate without noticing it was the wrong dish, and the food runner dropped the dish without announcing the name (also a no-no). When I checked back with them, the woman had taken a few bites of the canneloni.

I said, "Oh, they made you the wrong dish...that's crab. Shall I get you the chx, or do you like this?"

She dropped her fork and said, "I'm allergic to shellfish."

Shit. I ushered them out the door and they hightailed it to the ER.

Yeah, we paid for that ER visit. Scary, though...those shellfish allergies are nasty.

So, moral of the story: if you've got food allergies, let servers know. Restos want you to come back.

Well, the managers do. I could give a shit. I don't like people.

2005-07-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

Specials for July 20-26

Tilapia with Olive-Almond Trapaneze
served with sauteed seasonal veg and garlic mashed potatoes

Farfalle Azzura
Farfalle pasta tossed in alfredo with gorgonzola crumbles, grilled chicken, walnuts and julienne basil.

2005-07-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

The Waitress-Blog Glossary

86: verb, adj To be out of. "The seafood supplier's truck was hijacked by a gang of penguins. 86 seabass!"
Back of House: adj Commonly abbr. BOH. Referring to members of a restaurant staff who work in the kitchen area. Line cooks, prep cooks, chefs, dishwashers, etc.
Campers: adj. Tables that linger long after they're done eating, preventing table turn and generally being a pain in my ass.
Exeutive chef: noun One per resto. This is the head chef.
Expediter: noun Commonly abbr. Expo. Role usually played by a sous chef or captain; this person stands at the line and calls orders to the cooks. S/He is the point of contact for the kitchen staff.
Front of House: adj Commonly abbr. FOH. Referring to members of a restaurant staff who work in the dining room area. Servers, bussers, food runners, server assistants, bartenders, etc.
L'Idiot: noun Code name for the resto I work at, ganked from Steve Martin's brilliant LA Story
Line: noun Can mean either the physical stations where all the cooking occurs in the kitchen, or can refer to the line cooks themselves.S
Resto: noun Short for "restaurant"
Rezo: noun Short for "reservation"
Sous chef: adj Usually there are 2 per resto. They handle more day-to-day tasks than the executive chef.
Top: adj Used as a modifier after a numeral. Denotes the number of seats/guests at a table. "I just got a 15-top, and of course the jerks want separate checks."
Waitron: noun Gender-neutral term for a waiter or waitress
Weeds: noun In trouble, very very busy, overwhelmed with piddling requests from annoying guests. var. "In the weeds."

2005-07-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

More Yammering

Because I don't yap at work enough, apparently.

I've been waitressing at an Italian restaurant in Colorado Springs since January, and that's far more interesting than anything else that happens in my life. Here are my pointless stories....